Day 7: The Obsession

Seven days have flown by. I have made some great starts at creating new healthy habits. The most difficult one was giving up my morning Starbucks. When I found out that a venti americano with six pumps of white mocha and cream had something like 600 calories it hit me to the extent to which I have been so unaware. How could I get so fat and not even know it? I look at pictures of myself and don't recognize the fat old lady. I'm not even 30!

I have been noticing, however, that I am getting a little bit obsessed. I think a little too much every time I cook something or put something in my mouth. If this becomes an obsession then it won't stick, I know myself. I'll get bored and move on to something else. Little, sustainable changes I keep telling myself. I have to fight my instincts that want to cut back to 1000 calories a day and exercise for hours at a time because I know that in a month I won't be able to stick with it. I want to change my life forever.

Tonight I made a quite healthy turkey hash with veggies in it. Because I felt guilty about the starchy potatoes and small amount of healthy fats I have been fighting that age-old internal struggle that says 'fuck it, just quit this and go eat some candy.' But I talked my way down from the ledge.

Something miraculous happened today! I found my Get Up Off Your Ass! I woke up early and accomplished more in one day than I have in the past 3 months. I credit the lack of sugar and preservatives with this victory.

Seven down, 93 to go

The lights are starting to coming on

Sometimes it is just best to start one foot in front of the other even if that means stumbling along the way. I have had a really great week. Exercising almost every day for 20 minutes, jogging on my little trampoline. I am sore, but not unbearably so. Just enough that I know that I did something.

I have become increasingly inspired about eating Superfoods. I love the concept of adding to my diet rather than subtracting. I know that I won't last if I am hungry so I have been eating lots, but making good choices, today, for example:

4 mini oranges
2 small handfuls of walnuts
1 string cheese
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 avocado
1 oz turkey
Green tea
protein pancake
1 cup skim milk
1/2 cup brown rice
1 skinless chicken thigh
zucchini

And a treat of an Americano from Starbucks with white mocha and cream. The whole point is not deprivation, but moderation. I am not hungry and I'm not full. I'm just......ok. It's nice to feel in control. I have also lost my sugar cravings. I have loads more energy.

I'm starting to like this.

100 days

I have really been so inspired by the weight loss success stories that I have been reading. I can do this. I have a plan: 100 days of moving more, eating healthier. I will blog my progress here. I don't know where the scale is so this is an estimate. I think I am about 230 lbs, definitely wearing a size 20 in pants.

Exercising is kind of tricky because a. I am lazy and b. I have two young children that make things sort of complicated. But! No more excuses! I have a wonderful rebounder that I am going to jog on. I can either wake up early and do it or wait until their naptime, but I am bound and determined to hop on for 20 minutes a day for the next 100 days.

Making The Commitment

I am finding myself searching for inspiration these days. The visions I have for myself seem so very far off but I still go on, reading other people's success and trying to find The Formula, the one that is going to change my life forever. I really liked one woman's story about how she had been abusing herself with food for so many years. Abusing myself? Really? Maybe. Definitely. I abuse myself with food. What is holding me back?

The progress so far has been small, but good. I have started cooking almost every night. No more eating out for us. I have been hanging on to my daily Starbucks 1000 Calorie Spectacular like a drowning man to a life raft, but I think the switch to Green Tea is coming soon. No sugar thankyouverymuch. I also think that I am losing my taste for Coke, and that is truly divine intervention because seriously? That stuff is like crack and I have been addicted for so many years. I find myself drinking it out of habit, not craving and that feels really good. And Nightime Snacks of Fat Thighs? I kicked that bitch out last month.

We're getting there baby, let's make it happen.

Goals. And stuff.

I am a very goal oriented person. Or, rather, I was. Then I achieved all of them and started to feel like something is missing. I took a good look at my life and decided that things are definitely in need of some rearranging. I have turned to my dreams in search of new goals. I hear people say all the time to dream big, so that is what I have done.

In my teens and early twenties I wanted to lose weight as an attempt to fit into smaller pants and catch a man. I was overweight, but still able to shop at nearly any store I wanted. Fast forward several years and I am staring down thirty after two kids and a husband. Somewhere along the line I became fat. I shop at fat lady stores. I can't to the things I want to do. I have no energy. I am out of control. I want my life back.

My goal is to lose weight as a side effect of lifestyle changes. I am not interested in dieting, I am interested in changing my life. The ultimate goal I have is to be able to participate in yoga. Why yoga? Healthy people do yoga. People who have energy do yoga. Those who do yoga are often early risers, eat nutritious foods, drink herbal tea and from where I stand (or sit actually, my sciatica kills me when I stand) look like they are getting a lot out of life. All of these things are appealing to me.

My short term goals are a lot less lofty. They include things like:

• Wake up by 7:30 a.m.
• Shower and apply makeup each day
• Exercise for 20 minutes 5 days per week.
• Eliminate refined sugar from diet
• Eat 90% of meals at home
• Not be hungry

Enough talk, let's get moving.